Monday, July 28, 2008

No one really reads this anyway...right?

Ok so I posted a blog the other day about our adoption and took it down because I felt it was too personal. But then just now I was thinking...."no one really reads this stuff anyway" I might as well vent out my excitement and frustration.

We are still waiting, waiting, waiting, to finish our classes with the state. I had thought we would finish this coming February 2009 but it is kind of like those moments when you are young and you think "I'll do this when I am 25". Twenty five seems an eternity away but then you turn around and you are 31! Yikes! So even though I complain about waiting and time being very slow it is actually very fast! February seems so soon!! I am already booking weddings for March and April of 2009 so it seems as if it is around the corner. I am terrified of adding a new child....just the unknown....trying to balance it all. But I do find myself longing for her. I see other children, of all ages, and think "I could love her". I am not so much worried about the attachment to her, although others in my family circle somehow think that is the biggest issue, I am more worried about balancing time, activities, attention, ect....between the two of them. I think I have that Mom guilt where you love your child that you have now so much that you can't imagine loving anyone else that way or somehow sharing/dividing that love. I know it is common and I will get over it but it is a weird feeling.

In the meantime we have deceided to sponsor a child through AHOPE! AHOPE provides support, medicine, and education to children in Africa with HIV/AIDS. I am so excited about our photo and info on our sponsored child coming! I received an email today saying that everything should arrive within a week. I am one of those people that are adopting because I want to give a child a home, love, tradition and opportunities that might otherwise not have them. I feel that this is something I am meant to do...that it is part of my purpose here. I can't really explain it. Anyway, I feel that by becoming a sponsor the pain/anxiousness of my waiting may be eased. That my soul will be able to rest a little knowing that there is a child out there who's life I am contributing to in some small way. I plan to sponsor as long as possible!

Here is a link if anyone is interested in finding out more about AHOPE.


Becoming Kelly Wall said...

Umm..."nobody" chiming in to say, I thought my computer was crazy. I kept trying to read your new post and it said you didn't exist. Ha! I find honest posts the most important.
Love, No One

Heather & Adam said...

Sponsoring a child with AHOPE is so will definately be good for your soul. And when you KNOW the time is right for you guys, you will jump in feet first, and never look back. It will be perfect. Love you.

Heather & Adam said...

I also think honesty in a blog (well, as much as we bloggers can possibly muster!) is a powerful way to get your feelings out.

Gypsy said...

Another Nobody, I worried about the whole "How can I possibly love another kid as much as I love Alex" It is absolutely miraculous but your heart actually DOUBLES in size! As long as you have the capacity to love, your heart will accomadate. As far as making time for everything, you can't. So give up laundry now... Love you Chica!

nosmallfeat said...

You know, this isn't the first time I've been called a "nobody..." :)

You will be surprised how much love the human heart can hold. Congrats on your sponsorship! It's a blessing for this little person a world away... speaks volumes about the size of your heart, too.


Julie said...

I'm not reading either (;

It seems to me you will have enough love to go around. Remember big brothers contribute too.

Great about AHOPE. We did a joint sponsorship and it is wonderful to get info about the child; heartbreaking, but wonderful.

Hugs to you!