Ok so I posted a blog the other day about our adoption and took it down because I felt it was too personal. But then just now I was thinking...."no one really reads this stuff anyway"....so I might as well vent out my excitement and frustration.
We are still waiting, waiting, waiting, to finish our classes with the state. I had thought we would finish this coming February 2009 but it is kind of like those moments when you are young and you think "I'll do this when I am 25". Twenty five seems an eternity away but then you turn around and you are 31! Yikes! So even though I complain about waiting and time being very slow it is actually very fast! February seems so soon!! I am already booking weddings for March and April of 2009 so it seems as if it is around the corner. I am terrified of adding a new child....just the unknown....trying to balance it all. But I do find myself longing for her. I see other children, of all ages, and think "I could love her". I am not so much worried about the attachment to her, although others in my family circle somehow think that is the biggest issue, I am more worried about balancing time, activities, attention, ect....between the two of them. I think I have that Mom guilt where you love your child that you have now so much that you can't imagine loving anyone else that way or somehow sharing/dividing that love. I know it is common and I will get over it but it is a weird feeling.
In the meantime we have deceided to sponsor a child through AHOPE! AHOPE provides support, medicine, and education to children in Africa with HIV/AIDS. I am so excited about our photo and info on our sponsored child coming! I received an email today saying that everything should arrive within a week. I am one of those people that are adopting because I want to give a child a home, love, tradition and opportunities that might otherwise not have them. I feel that this is something I am meant to do...that it is part of my purpose here. I can't really explain it. Anyway, I feel that by becoming a sponsor the pain/anxiousness of my waiting may be eased. That my soul will be able to rest a little knowing that there is a child out there who's life I am contributing to in some small way. I plan to sponsor as long as possible!
Here is a link if anyone is interested in finding out more about AHOPE.